Today I watched the film Maudie, and it was quite... exquisite. I have a special place in my heart for movies based on a true story because you can see some of the reality the world has. And this reality reminds me of you, most of the time. Because, me, I am a hardcore romantic, and you, you are a hardcore pragmatic.
You're gonna ask, as you usually do with my silly statements, what does Maudie have to do with me and you, and you'd be right to ask that. Well, it reminded me, the moment I was trying to forget it, what I found so beautiful in you. You see, Maud in the film married a man that was not that sociable, not that talkative, quite abrupt and a bit difficult to get on with. Isn't it a coincidence that each and every characteristic of him, reminded me of you? I couldn't stop thinking how you have always been like that, and still, we have managed to spend hours and days together, talking about life. I don't know how, but I had found the way to talk to you and you would talk to me. And this made me fall madly in love with you. Everyone disagrees, says I can do better. But they don't understand that I don't need any better. You are kind, and honest, and, god, I love the way you express your passion in your job. I love the way you look at me sometimes, or the way you tease me. I don't know how it could quite be that easy to fall in love with someone, without even being sure that this person likes you back. But here I am, I did that. And, since it's been a year now, I do believe that it's not the same feeling. But who will be the same like you, tell me.. Who will I spend hours with until 4 in the morning getting drunk and talking about life? Perhaps, these were the moments that made me fall in love with you.
How I wish that I knew the way to show you how I feel. How I wish that I would know how you feel without getting inevitably hurt. But, how can I keep loving you when you don't see me the way I see you? I'm dying to just touch you and tell you all the things I love about you. I want to wake up next to you in the morning, and then make you coffee, so that you can tell me you only drink proper coffee. And then I would argue that you don't know what proper coffee is. I want to smell your perfume on my top, not in the room I walk in to go to work. I want you not to leave when I drop you off, stay a couple more minutes. I want you to know no matter your quirkiness, your weirdness, or call it whatever, I've loved every moment I got to know you. I want you to know these things someday, but I don't think you'll find out. So I'm writing it here, hoping that by exhausting my tears at 1:52 am early on a Sunday, you will take as much place in my heart as you do now.
Maybe one day I will be brave enough to challenge my feelings and tell you all my truth, but until then... I want you to know that I want you.